Let’s Ramble Some More, Brakes. Part 4

April 2007, 4th Edition When I left off in the last edition, my girl, All That Jazz, still did not have a convincing brake pedal, and we were now losing brake fluid from between the shells of the front brake calipers. Ok, so Scott decides that we should have the face of each indented brake clam shell milled down .012” each in order that we not loose brake fluid from between the caliper halves with the new ‘O’ rings. Scott dismantles the calipers… for what I now think is at least the second time, but again, I’m losing count. We then take the calipers over to Scott’s friend, Pat Smith, who graciously receives a modest token of my appreciation, and mills the offending caliper halves. Several days later, Scott retrieves the newly milled clams, reassembles them, and drags them back to my house, where we again assemble them to the car, bleed the brakes again… and again… and again before we decide that maybe the loss of pressure comes from the new flexible brake hoses I’ve already installed... but which kinda squirm when we hit the brake pedal… and, since we still can’t maintain a high, and convincing, brake pedal, we remove these new, but possibly defective flexible brake hoses, (circa 2006) out of the equation and we re-install the old flexible brake hoses, (circa 2003)... re-bleed the brakes again, and again, using what I think must have been my sixth quart of brake fluid. The pedal still doesn’t have any strength. Scott and I have worked all afternoon, and reasoned our way through this, and we still don’t have an answer. He goes home pissed. I just feel that Jazz has hosed me again.

It’s like still Sunday when Scott calls with a fresh idea. He thinks that a couple of inline parts just barely recognizable in the original car diagrams, and officially designated as “Valve Assembly Below Outlet Union”, one of which is installed between the slave cylinder and the front calipers, and the other between the master and slave cylinders are not maintaining any residual brake pressure, and that we need to try something new, as the original parts are probably no longer available. Boy is he right about that. He says he has sent me a link to a company on the internet who sells what is affectionately known as a “Brake Pressure Retention Valve” designed for hot rods and racing. They are designed to maintain a couple of pounds of pressure on the brake calipers and hopefully maintain a strong pedal. He further suggests that before he’ll ever come over again that I’ll have to install two of these devices on Jazz… one between the slave cylinder and the front calipers, and one between the master cylinder and the slave.

Per Scott’s ominous suggestion, I order a couple that evening from Day’s Motor Sports. That investment is a mere $40.00 or so, but what the hell, who’s counting anymore? By about Wednesday, I arrive home from work, only to here from Cindy that my new investment has arrived. I open the box, but low and behold, there is only one. I send an e-mail to Day’s. I get a call the next day, thought I was goofy… nobody needs more than one probably, but they will ship another. Two weeks later, I take some time remove the offending steel front brake line, cut it in two, remove the appropriate amount of material and install one of the two pound valves. Then, I inadvertently remove the rear steel brake line, and also cut that to remove an appropriate amount of material and install the other valve. I re-install both brake lines, and call Scott, proud as punch, but unaware of my mistake.

A few days… maybe a week or two later, I convince Scott into coming over again. Right off, he discovers that I have installed the second retention valve in the WRONG line. But, what the hell, we bleed the brakes again… and again… back and fronts… another quart, but who is counting? Still, we have no pedal. Scott sends me to get another fitting so we can move the valve to the appropriate line. While I am fetching parts… and more brake fluid, he cuts the correct line, plugs the port to the rear brakes, and is waiting when I return… surprisingly calm for a guy who is being beat up by a Growler. Then, we reinstall the two-pound valve between the master and slave cylinders… and re-bleed the fronts, as the rears are now no longer part of the system. Scott tests the fronts… it is a moment of truth… one more Sunday shot down. Jazz wins again… no brake pedal.

I don’t know what Scott says privately, but by now, I know what my Little Cindy is saying, and she is paying me NO compliments.

Scott calls and warns me to call Day’s once again to order another “two pound brake fluid retention valve” … this will make three on the car… which originally only had two. A few days later, I install the new retention valve back where I originally had mistakenly installed it between the master cylinder and the rear calipers. This has got to work. A week or so later, I con Scott into coming over again… we bleed the brakes… back and front… I’m thinking that I need to buy stock in whoever supplies DOT 3 brake fluid to AutoZone… but I’m too broke from buying the damn fluid… quart after quart. We test the system, no pedal. Scott thinks that somehow we are losing pressure because when he opens a brake bleeder valve, we get no squirt… when we know that there is supposed to be two pounds of residual pressure. He checks that I’ve got the valves all pointed the right way… I at least got one thing right… but we still got no pedal. Scott’s last hope. He tells me that since Jaguar published no specifications for the original valves… you remember, those with the nomenclature, “Valve Assembly Below Outlet Union”, that they may have supplied more than the two pounds of pressure that we have been trying to retain… supposedly sufficient for disc brakes… and that Day’s also can supply a “ten pound retention valve”. We talk about it at some length… and what the hell with overnight freight, it is only another $40 addition to my long term investment portfolio. Between brake fluid and new retention valves, I think Cindy needs a second job.

The part comes lickety split. A couple of days later, I remove the “two pound retention valve” from between the master and slave cylinders… and install the new… “ten… pound brake retention valve”. Alright, so I manage to convince Scott that he ought to come over again on Saturday. Together, we bleed the front calipers… one more time… and low and behold, Jazz has got pedal… and thirty minutes later… she’s still got pedal… but… will the new valve provide too much retention pressure, and adversely drag the brakes and limit my top-in speed. OK… so Scott has me put Jazz in neutral… as she has been on jack stands for six months or longer. Then, he has me rotate one of the rear wheels by hand while he watches the other… TA-DA, the rear wheels turn easily, in opposite directions… but they do turn easily. Now… for the final test… Scott has me re-install one of the front wheels. I do it, and… again, it too appears to turn easily. In celebration, I do my special victory dance before the final task before re-assembly of the front end… I wire the caliper bolts together to keep them from backing out. There, I did it… I ended a sentence in a preposition. Now I look forward to putting Jazz back together again. It has been six months since the last time I put her together… and you have to know that I’m getting out of practice.

I know you all are tired of hearing about Jazz’s brakes, so maybe next time, we can talk about fixing the speedometer, creating the crack in the windshield… and then getting it fixed, or rebuilding the cooling system, or better yet, how you remove the windshield wiper system from a 2+2, or how Scott figured out that I had rewired the ignition switch wrong… only after I had replaced both the coil and condenser, or my combination of new and old exhaust system components, or how I met Mike Webb… over the internet. You know Mike, he is now on the Tulsa Jag Board also. Oh well, something for later, but hopefully not the brakes… again. God, I love driving that car… she makes me feel like a rock star when we blast by the HYPO station on Skelly Drive… next to I-44… with me blowing the horn. Makes me feel twenty-five again… oh yeah, when I purchased my first XKE.